How to Solve a Murder with a Grump: the Dinner Date (EBOOK)

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1
Miles

It’s not nice to tease, but I do anyway.
“Barrie, my love, come join me,” I call out from the lake.
It’s only midmorning and we’re both in the water. My arms rest on a noodle as I’m over waist deep in the lake. Barrie is totally missing out.
“Come on, Barrie!” She barely responds, her hand twitching. Like we have some secret signing code and I’m supposed to know what that means.
But I have a good idea exactly what she’s communicating. That flick of her fingers means absolutely not. No matter how hot it is, I’m not floating around on the lake where a snapping turtle could sneak up any moment and bite off my foot. And you should know better because you know the most I’ll do is stand at the edge with my toes getting cooled. That brief twitch, motion, says, And don’t even try to tempt me. It won’t work.
Yes, I’ve explained to her that won’t happen.
I’ve pulled up YouTube documentaries, articles, anything to prove her wrong. Especially the lack of injuries on this lake because of surprise snapping turtle attacks.
She cocked her eyebrow and shut me down. “Miles, darling. That’s why it’s an irrational fear.”
Yup. She had a point.
I don’t mind. I can still see her and the white two-piece suit she’s wearing from here as she relaxes in a kitty pool.
Yes, a pool for babies. I’m not kidding.
I bought it for her last week. She placed an air raft in it and swears it’s the best thing since beach pizza.
When I’m grumpy, the best cure is to spend time with Barrie, my wife.
I love saying that. Because my friends teased I was the one who would never settle down.
And now?
I’m ready for babies. Well, almost ready, but I can see it in the future.
Right now, I’m just enjoying being with Barrie. There’s something about being married, the waking up together—even with morning breath, the first cup of coffee—even when Barrie makes it too weak, the lunch dates, the evenings where it’s just the two of us relaxing in our home. And there’s the working together at Beachside Java.
Life is good.
Except right now, this summer has been so hot the frogs could boil in the small ponds.
It’s so hot that our one window unit is about cooked, working overtime. Every night it chugs and wheezes, and we think it’s going to gasp its last breath.
Of course, as an official grump, hot, suffocating summers can bring out the worst in me.
I fight against it.
But it’s easy to ignore the dishes in the sink at night to escape into our air-conditioned bedroom. It’s easy to swim across the lake—alone because Barrie won’t join and I think you know why—and return later to find Barrie has been cooking dinner in the hot kitchen, her cheeks red, sweat dripping down her face.
So in the middle of the hot streak, I said, No more cooking.
Not in this heat.
We’ve had salads, sandwiches, and chicken salad pitas with chips. And more salad.
“Come join me, sexy grump!” She calls back. “There’s room for two.”
“I’m not sure there is. Just like there wasn’t room for Jack. I don’t want to slip away into the lukewarm water of a baby pool.”
Another twitch of the fingers that says You’re hilarious. But you should join me anyway because after our soak we could move it to the bedroom. We could turn on the air condition full blast and get naked.
Fine. I might be ad-libbing that last part.
“Let’s take a cruise in Alaska,” she says.
“Hmm. Probably all booked.” She would never leave Beachside Java in the busy season, anyway. Not with all the summer people up from Mass and Connecticut.
She’s taking a sponge and squeezing it so the water drips on face and body. I’ve never seen anything so sexy.
She calls out again. “Let’s move the kitty pool onto our bed, fill it with about an inch of water, give each other a sponge bath and, with the air conditioning, we’ll be cooled off in a flash.”
“Yeah, we might turn into popsicles though.”
As much as I love conversing about twenty feet apart, it’s not working for me anymore. Not with Barrie so close yet so far.
I ease out of the lake, hoping to surprise her, not wanting to make any splashes. I creep through the sparse grass of our front yard, getting closer.
I’m standing right over her, soaking in her sexy body, her curves, her beautiful face, when she calls out in a loud voice, “Let’s have a water party and invite our friends over. Run the sprinkler.” She squeals. “We could create a Slip n Slide.”
“Sounds fun,” I say quietly. “But there’s only one problem with that.”
Her eyes stay closed, but a grin appears. “What’s that?”
“It would eventually move to the lake.”
“We’d make sure it doesn’t. Only lawn games. Or a sunset kayak cruise around the lake.”
“I love it.” I step into the pool. It’s not even close to refreshing. “Now make room.”
She inches over.
It’s impossible. It’s a raft meant for one. “Only one way this will work.”
“How’s that?” She finally looks up, eyes squinting against the sun.
“If you lay on top of me.”
A burst of laughter escapes. “Of course. What a noble suggestion.”
A minute later, we’re skin to skin, her body pressed against mine. I find my fingers tangled in her hair and my mouth instinctively seeks the sensitive skin on her neck.
“Now this was a good idea, sexy grump.”
I remember the first time she called me grump. It was an insult as the elevator whooshed me away from the most annoying woman I’d ever met. The woman with way too much luggage and way too much snark.
Little did I know I’d marry her and she’d make me the happiest man alive.
“Hmm,” I say and move to her mouth, capturing her bottom lip with my teeth, my hands roaming.
“Miles,” she gasps. “What if the UPS driver pulls up?”
“Who cares? We’re married.” I deepen the kiss and the spark of attraction flares, and the teasing stops.
It only takes about thirty seconds before I realize we’re moving inside. Barrie has the same idea at the same time. Then, we’re splashing our way out of the kitty pool, dripping a path onto the porch.
After one look at the driveway to make sure no one’s coming, we strip off our suits and lay them on the rack on our porch, then we’re laughing and running through the house to the bedroom.
“Quick,” she says, giggling. “Turn on the AC, then get your sexy bod over here.”
“You don’t have to ask twice.”


Later, we’re wrapped together like a pretzel under a sheet. It’s amazing how being soaking wet with an AC unit on full blast will cool you off.
I think ahead to tomorrow and the rest of the week.
This hot streak is lasting for the next few days.
I get an idea.
It appears out of nowhere, and I know it’s a good one.
“Tomorrow night. We have a date.”
I can feel her smile as her face lays against my bare chest. “Ooh, do tell.”
“Nope. Not telling. It’s a surprise.”
“Grump,” she mutters.
“No, not grump. Sexy, amazing husband.”
“Okay, fine.” She sighs like it’s a burden, but I know she loves surprises.
“Dress nice.” I can’t help but tease. “That will give you almost twenty-four hours to figure out what to wear.”
“Ha, ha. Hilarious. You’re so funny.” She laughs though, because she knows it’s true.
Now I smile, because I have a date with my beautiful wife.
Nothing makes me happier than that.